Holiday Survival: Assessing Your Capacity

The holidays can be a magical time - cozy décor, festive moments and joyous connection. But, for many, the holidays also come with stress, complicated family dynamics, and the challenge of juggling too many commitments.  While some look forward to this time of year, others are just trying to survive.  Whether you’re someone who loves this time of year, or someone who finds it more difficult, I’ve put together some of my favourite ways to reflect on capacity to help you navigate the season.

Why Capacity Matters:

One of the most important things to think about over the holidays (or any busy time) is your capacity. Capacity refers to how much you can manage physically, mentally, and emotionally. Capacity includes our ability to take on commitments, manage stressors, and engage meaningfully in activities and relationships. Everyone’s capacity is different, and an individual’s capacity can vary day to day. I often think of my capacity like a glass of water - there are things that drain my glass (like over-committing), and there are things that replenish it (quality sleep, time outdoors, time with my dog).  I’m always striving to find some form of balance between the two.

Assess Your Capacity: 

Understanding your capacity is important, it helps you know what you can handle, and what might be too much. Here are some reflection points to help you consider your capacity over the holidays.

1. Before the holiday season gets busy, consider what expectations, traditions or events you enjoy, and which you find more difficult. This can help you predict when your capacity might be low, and plan how to manage that in advance. You might also want to consider when your holiday season typically gets busy, and when it slows down. This can help you plan for what you might need at different points in the season, whether that means additional self-care to increase your capacity, setting boundaries, or practicing saying “no”.

   
   

2.  Do you have the physical and emotional health to engage in what is being asked of you? It is crucial to consider how expectations may impact you both physically and emotionally. While we’re not always able to say no, or avoid things that we don’t want to participate in, it is important to consider the impacts on physical and emotional health, and what we can do to try to mitigate some of the risk if you can’t decline.

   
   

3. Do you have time to do the thing you’ve been asked or invited to do? One of the fastest ways we deplete capacity is by overloading ourselves. When we’re rushing from one commitment to the next, it’s hard to slow down and enjoy the moments that are occurring. It’s also hard to evaluate how we’re doing when we’re constantly jumping from one to-do list item to the next. Be honest with yourself about whether you have the time to do all the things being asked of you. If you’re a bit of people-pleaser, your answer might be that you do have time, but do you truly have the time, or are you sacrificing the things that keep you feeling well?  It’s important to differentiate between what is technically possible and what you have capacity for.

   
   

4. Do you want to do the thing you’ve been asked or invited to do? Don’t get me wrong - there are things that we all have to do, work meetings we cannot decline, responsibilities we cannot shirk. But when it’s something that isn’t a necessity, do you want to do it?  We can get so busy that we forget to check in with ourselves about what we value doing, what brings us joy, and what we truly want to do with our time.  Your life’s currency is time, spend it wisely when you can.

   
   

5. Increase your capacity when you know there are things you have to do, but don’t want to be doing.  Around the holidays there can be a lot of family and friend pressure to participate in things despite not wanting to do them or having the time.  I recommend trying to bolster your capacity in advance. Let’s say you have to attend a particular family event, the consequences of not attending would be worse than going despite the fact that it’s not what you want to do; prioritize the things that keep you feeling balanced and well before the event. For me, this might look like doing my best to get a good night’s sleep in advance, spending time with my dog, and making sure that I’ve ate something filling before going. It can also be helpful to have a self-care plan for after the commitment, or a plan to engage with supports following an unavoidable event. We can’t always make things better, but sometimes we can decide to not make it worse.

Find Your Support

I’d encourage you to consider who and what your supporters are, how you engage with your supports. What are the warning signs in your life that you may need to re-evalute your capacity and access additional supports? This is particularly crucial in the times when we cannot decline an expectation or invitation. 

Take Care of Yourself In the midst of all the bustle, social media aesthetic holiday posts, comparison, and pressure to do it all, try to remember to pause, breathe deeply, and take care of yourself as best you are able.